Conversations- A Dying Art?

The ability to converse is an art. Today we have no time for a neat conversation. Whatever time we have is taken up by TV, media and internet. The fact is we spend most of our time in splendid isolation. The younger generation is spending time on internet chat. This is not company.
Not everyone is adept in this art. In a conversation, surprise is an important element. You don’t know who will say what, when. You have to be quick witted to face such situations. Often we wonder why we did or didn’t say a particular thing. This is one major reason people avoid conversations, to avoid getting caught with your foot in your mouth.
Some people can write well but not speak. A famous writer known to me, who is no more, used to feel awkward when asked to speak.
Some people keep talking without minding the mood of the listener.
If one talks and a few listen it is conversation. If one talks and many listen it is a speech. If everyone talks in loud voices it should be the Parliament, Assembly or Senate!

Some people consider themselves authority on a few subjects and keep talking about them to whosoever crosses his path. One of my relatives was keenly interested in politics. He was of the conviction that everyone should know the nuances of politics, as understood by him, and start his lectures, the moment he cites an unfortunate soul. I once asked him why is he doing this, and his response was that they would get enlightened after a few encounters!
Another guy, who is widely traveled, will make it a point to mention this fact in all his conversations unmindful of the impression he creates in others eyes.
Many people talk about everything they know, irrespective of the context. Some others offer advice unsolicited. You feel tired after many conversations because of the pre dominance of ‘self’ element.
Conversations differ in style and characteristic. Such as conversations with friends, elders, partner and business colleagues. The roles and context determine the nature of conversation.

Many people see no difference and tend to discuss everything with everyone. They sound more like a broadcasting radio station than an individual alive to the circumstances.
The other types of exchange which are generally termed are arguments, back-biting and gossiping. The unity and friendship you find among gossipers is rare, which you don’t find in more purposeful interactions.

A good conversation is like an healthy economy, where genuine currency is exchanged. We generally circulate the dirtiest currency first, and keep the good, clean ones to ourselves. Kote Sikke is more in circulation then a genuine coin, which is hoarded. Similarly, we circulate only frivolous ideas in a conversation since we are under the wrong impression that frivolous conversations only produce mirth and laughter. For instance, our conversations revolve around food we ate, cinema we saw, the weather, politics and sports. We might have read a beautiful book which would have touched our heart or the ideas would have set us on fire. But if a friend walks in we will put the book aside and say ‘kaho kya haal hai?’ and a boisterous conversation would take place followed by a drinking binge.

Generally majority of conversations revolve around self-interest. Calculations decide whether to open one’s mouth or not. If the boss is talking, then even PJ evokes thunderous laughter. A long- distance call from an acquaintance will be invariably for some urgent favor.
What a good conversation should be like?

• The talk should have a good mix of thoughts, feelings and instinct. A purely intellectual talk will be dry.
• Avoid centering on ‘self’. Instead, make it ‘other’ centric. Instead of describing the last book you read ask the other as to what the last book he read was and what his impressions were.
• Avoid curiosity. Show concern.
• Instead of describing what you read, saw or visited talk about the impressions these activities created in you.
• Avoid ‘Associative Talking’. When friend talks about his marriage don’t interject with anecdotes of your marriage 30 years ago.
• Listen patiently until the other person finished talking. Don’t interrupt. Don’t mentally prepare rebuttal even before he finished. Break the belief that uninterrupted listening is possible only in movies.